I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
