$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
