true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
