yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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