I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Randomize