There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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