I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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