is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
