If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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