Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize