How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize