Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize