Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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