Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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