We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize