after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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