is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
