She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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