mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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