I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
