Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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