he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I can't turn off my feet"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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