dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
