I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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