Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
