Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
