Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
