Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
