your thong is hanging out like whoa
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
