i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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