we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
the raccoons are back...
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