mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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