my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I fill condoms, not promises.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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