So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
