i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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