I'm gonna have a badass scar
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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