You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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