Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
