Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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