Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
