I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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