im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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