He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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