Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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