i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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