batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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