five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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