Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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