His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize