I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
