Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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