Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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