She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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