She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize