What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
