I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
