When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
