there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
