he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
