I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
