Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
