I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
