Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
