Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Randomize
