ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
