i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
