You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
