I feel like abortions should bother me more
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
