My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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