someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
that's an acceptable place to lick
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
