What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
