try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
