are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So vagazzling was a success
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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