Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
