I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
