Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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