Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize