I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
