do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
