Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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