My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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