everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize