HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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