Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
