Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
