I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Plan B is the new Plan A
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
