YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Randomize
