Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
