And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
