new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
