Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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