I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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