Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
