You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
